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My 20th birthday
...written on 2006-03-16, @ 1:17 a.m.
Today is my 20th birthday. I know, I should be happy, I have made it to 20 years of age, but with everything going on with SES and uni and everything else, I just don't know that there is anything to celebrate.
I mean, I am not able to transfere to Wollongong City SES until I am deemed "satisfactory" to be within that stressful environment. What I don't understand is that I have done everything they have asked me to do, and still I am unable to have them realise I am actually becoming a stable human being. I haven't cut in almost five months, I am taking care of myself and still I am unfit in their eyes.
On top of that, I feel like I have lost my two best friends. I hardly ever get to speak to Jess... she's away with the Army somewhere and the last time I spoke to her was her 21st birthday, about a month ago. I feel so lost without her around, she's always been the one I could go to with anything and even though sometimes we had our differences, we were always there for each other. With Block, it's completely different. He's there in being, but it seems like there's always something or someone else he's preoccupied with. I feel like no matter what I do, it isn't good enough for anyone anymore.
I just wish today was any other day...
