Links
Hot Topic
Australian Pet Register
RSPCA Australia
WIRES
New South Wales State Emergency Service
Vegantics
The Girl
I'm just a figment of your imagination, so why not embrace the halucination?
more?
Smiles
Frowns
Disclaimer
My diary, my space, my rights. Don't like what you see? Feel free to hit that little X in the top right corner. Thanks.
Wishing to say to you
...written on 2007-03-22, @ 7:04 p.m.
This is what I wish I could say to you...
It seems the hardest things in life are learning how to love and be loved in return, or saying goodbye to the one person you love so very much.
When we first met, I was a completely different person to the peron I was in high school and to that which I am now. I was happier, as having just moved from Wollongong and feeling free from all the pain that I left behind. I was able t be myself when around you, something I cherished because I knew that I didn't have to pretend to be something I wasn't - which in turn lessened my need to cut, making me even more happy.
But, after Ben and everything that has happened with Aubrey over the last few years, I began to become more and more depressed, and in turn took that depression out on you and therefore, I blocked you out of much of my life. However, it was you I turned to whenever I wanted to reach out for help... only to find because of work commitments you didn't want to listen. I tried and tried to ask you for help, but you never seemed to want to hear it. It was not your fault, it was just poorly chosen timing on my behalf.
When we broke up, I blamed myself constantly for everything that went wrong in the relationship, and to a point i still do. And when you slept with and went out with Rebecca, I lost all confidence in myself and still hate myself every dy because of it. I hate that you went out with her, I hate even more that you slept with her after having a fight with me (what was it some way of getting back at me??). I am always wondering when the next girl you want will come along and I'll be discarded like a piece of old rubbish. I don't really know whether you've been lying to me about girls, and I am sick and fucking tired of you always "joking" about sex with other girls in front of me. It makes me feel sick, dirty and like I am someone for you to fuck whenever you feel like it. I feel as though I am being used by you for friendship and for sex. And all I have ever given you is love.
I ask you if you love me and you say you don't know, well make up your mind. If you don't want to be with me, tell me. If you do, but are scared tell me. I need to know where I stand and I need to know now. I am sick and tired of feeling second best to Alex, Aleisha, Leigha, Shantel, Helene and even my sister and my cousins. You pay more attention to what my two cousins are doing at the club than you have ever to me. I am sick of it. Just be honest with me.
